No More Tour Group: On My Own
Lots of things change. I know that, and have known that, especially as I got older. Some changes are directed by authority figures in your younger years - what school you go to, where you can go and what you can do, and basically your whole life are regulated that way.
But then you become a senior in high school, you turn 18, and you outgrow your tour group where your itinerary has mostly already been planned. You're dumped back off and.....then what?
That's how my life is right now. I'm about to, have been, dumped off and have to learn to travel through life on my own. Everyone wants to know what I'm doing after high school. Well, that's a good question, one I'd really like the answer to myself! It doesn't help when everyone else seems to have an answer to proudly spout off - they're going to this college, or they applied here and are really hoping to get in, are planning to study that...the list goes on, but sounds pretty much the same.
It's the same because they all are going to college, or a sort of school. The same because they're all going to major in something, and often something that is common or pays well, or if they're really smart, in something you just nod at because you don't really know what it is.
I could do that. I could give what used to be my well-rehearsed, thought-out plan - community college for two years, transfer to another college to finish up and get my middle-level English teaching degree. In fact, at the end of my junior year that's what I was telling everyone who asked.
But then that summer wrecked all of my plans that perhaps, in retrospect, I wasn't ever totally sure of. The beginning of the problem (or wake-up call?) was at our summer youth retreat when my youth pastor told me that I could go right to Guatemala (where we were going on a mission trip to the next week) after high school and teach English without a degree. That made me really excited, and when we went to Guatemala, I was ready to learn all I could. One (kind of major) problem, however, was that I did not take Spanish in school; I had taken three years of German and was preparing to take both German 4 and 5 my senior year. Proper communication was clearly an issue, albeit one that could be resolved, but not as quickly as I would've wanted if I was to go right after high school. Also (besides the fact that my parents were not at all into that idea), things just didn't feel quite right. I loved Guatemala, that wasn't the problem. Nevertheless, potential problems with the situation kept popping up and so I decided that that might not be quite the wisest choice. But that didn't really help me, because as of then, I didn't want to go back to the original plan that, of course, my parents and every other adult seemed to highly approve of. As of now, about three months into my senior year, I still don't want to.
Thing is, I don't want to go to college. I don't want to do "the same." I feel called to do more, to go out in the ministry, do things for God and others, not just go to college to hope to get a job in something that was actually only my back up plan when what I always wanted to do since second grade was be a writer. The idea of college no longer sits well with me ever since that hidden longing for more was stirred up - in fact, it makes me feel miserable. To me, it doesn't matter if I have an awesome career and get paid a lot. I'd rather be doing something more important with my life. A couple of my favorite Shane Claiborne quotes from his book, The Irresistible Revolution, are these: "People always want to define you by what you do...I was convince that what we do is not nearly as important as who we are" and "My friends and I had a hunch that there is more to life than what we had been told to pursue." Exactly! I mean, becoming a teacher wouldn't necessarily be a terrible thing to do with my life, but I just feel like right now, there is more important things to be done. And I'm not the only one - many of my youth group friends (who are more like family) also have some of the same feelings. God has created us to fully follow Him, and I don't feel like going to college and being one of those "normal" kids is the best way for me to do it.
Mother Teresa said, "Do not worry about your career. Concern yourself with your vocation, and that is to be lovers of Jesus." I want what I do with my life to reflect my true vocation, so now I just have to try and listen as God leads me to walk in that way. And that will leave an enormous footstep for this pilgrim, because it will be nothing short of a triumphant and hard-earned leap.
But then you become a senior in high school, you turn 18, and you outgrow your tour group where your itinerary has mostly already been planned. You're dumped back off and.....then what?
That's how my life is right now. I'm about to, have been, dumped off and have to learn to travel through life on my own. Everyone wants to know what I'm doing after high school. Well, that's a good question, one I'd really like the answer to myself! It doesn't help when everyone else seems to have an answer to proudly spout off - they're going to this college, or they applied here and are really hoping to get in, are planning to study that...the list goes on, but sounds pretty much the same.
It's the same because they all are going to college, or a sort of school. The same because they're all going to major in something, and often something that is common or pays well, or if they're really smart, in something you just nod at because you don't really know what it is.
I could do that. I could give what used to be my well-rehearsed, thought-out plan - community college for two years, transfer to another college to finish up and get my middle-level English teaching degree. In fact, at the end of my junior year that's what I was telling everyone who asked.
But then that summer wrecked all of my plans that perhaps, in retrospect, I wasn't ever totally sure of. The beginning of the problem (or wake-up call?) was at our summer youth retreat when my youth pastor told me that I could go right to Guatemala (where we were going on a mission trip to the next week) after high school and teach English without a degree. That made me really excited, and when we went to Guatemala, I was ready to learn all I could. One (kind of major) problem, however, was that I did not take Spanish in school; I had taken three years of German and was preparing to take both German 4 and 5 my senior year. Proper communication was clearly an issue, albeit one that could be resolved, but not as quickly as I would've wanted if I was to go right after high school. Also (besides the fact that my parents were not at all into that idea), things just didn't feel quite right. I loved Guatemala, that wasn't the problem. Nevertheless, potential problems with the situation kept popping up and so I decided that that might not be quite the wisest choice. But that didn't really help me, because as of then, I didn't want to go back to the original plan that, of course, my parents and every other adult seemed to highly approve of. As of now, about three months into my senior year, I still don't want to.
Thing is, I don't want to go to college. I don't want to do "the same." I feel called to do more, to go out in the ministry, do things for God and others, not just go to college to hope to get a job in something that was actually only my back up plan when what I always wanted to do since second grade was be a writer. The idea of college no longer sits well with me ever since that hidden longing for more was stirred up - in fact, it makes me feel miserable. To me, it doesn't matter if I have an awesome career and get paid a lot. I'd rather be doing something more important with my life. A couple of my favorite Shane Claiborne quotes from his book, The Irresistible Revolution, are these: "People always want to define you by what you do...I was convince that what we do is not nearly as important as who we are" and "My friends and I had a hunch that there is more to life than what we had been told to pursue." Exactly! I mean, becoming a teacher wouldn't necessarily be a terrible thing to do with my life, but I just feel like right now, there is more important things to be done. And I'm not the only one - many of my youth group friends (who are more like family) also have some of the same feelings. God has created us to fully follow Him, and I don't feel like going to college and being one of those "normal" kids is the best way for me to do it.
Mother Teresa said, "Do not worry about your career. Concern yourself with your vocation, and that is to be lovers of Jesus." I want what I do with my life to reflect my true vocation, so now I just have to try and listen as God leads me to walk in that way. And that will leave an enormous footstep for this pilgrim, because it will be nothing short of a triumphant and hard-earned leap.
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